Original Air Date:
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Bullied to Death:
Bullying has become more than just a part of growing up - it has turned into a serious epidemic that is turning school, what should be a safe place for kids, into a nightmare. Two 11 year-old boys tragically decided that they had had enough in April of 2009 and decided to take their own lives. The mothers of Carl Walker-Hoover and Jaheem Herrera sat down with Oprah to share their son's stories and give parents advice on what they missed or could have done differently to possibly save their sons.
Carl's Story:
Sirdeaner described her son as a happy, Christian boy. Carl was teased daily, called gay by his classmates, and even ate lunch with the guidance counselor out of fear. Sirdeaner joining the PTO and attending weekly appointments with the counselor didn't seem to help end the taunting Carl was receiving. After an accident at school where Carl bumped a TV cart into a girl and was then threatened, Carl came home upset. Sirdeaner planned to speak to the principal that night at the PTO meeting, but when she went to get Carl for dinner, she found him hanging from the banister and had to cut him down herself.
On the worst day of her life, Sirdeaner doesn't believe that Carl planned to take his life, but that he had just couldn't take any more that day. Carl did leave a note telling his family how much he loved them, that he was sorry, and leaving his favorite toy to his sister.
Jaheem's Story:
Across the US, 11 year-old Jaheem was also experiencing a similar situation at school. Teased for being from the Virgin Islands and being called gay, Jaheem's relationship with his mother Masika eventually began to change. After coming home in a good mood one day this past April, Jaheem's sister revealed to his mother that a child had called him gay and he became upset. Being sent to his room to calm down, Masika eventually went up to get Jaheem for dinner, which is when she discovered him hanging. Masika shared that Jaheem had a good weekend before, but became depressed when he had to return to school.
Sexual Bullying:
Dr. Dorothy Espelage, a professor at the University of Illinois stated the term for the type of bullying Carl and Jaheem received is called sexual bullying and makes up half of the taunting that occurs in elementary and middle schools. Being introduced to sexual content at an earlier age causes kids to use words and make comments that they don't actually understand, says Dr. Espelage. This type of bullying is a form of sexual harassment and is typically done by a group of children and not just one attacker, explained the professor.
Ryan Halligan's Story:
When sexual bullying and cyberbullying come together, it can be a deadly combination as the parents of Ryan Halligan learned in 2003. Ryan was teased from 5th through 7th grade and his parents thought things were getting better when he appeared to be making friends with one of the boys taunting him. The friendship turned out to be a joke as the boy then spread a rumor about Ryan being gay which caused a larger number of kids to be involved. The verbal abuse turned textual as Ryan began getting vulgar emails.
Ryan's situation became unbearable for him when he began to communicate online with a girl he liked, which turned out to be just a cruel joke. The girl called Ryan a loser and laughed at him in front of her friends. Ryan hanged himself one month later in the bathroom of his home. His parents didn't understand why Ryan would feel that his life was helpless and they would just want him to know how much they love him.
Ryan's father now speaks to students and teachers about cyberbullying. It wasn't until after Ryan's death that his parents learned of the online abuse he was receiving.
When Ryan's parents had the chance to review his online accounts after his death, they found the evidence of his depression and desire to take his life. Looking back, John and Kelly were able to recognize the signs of Ryan withdrawing and becoming more depressed. Since Ryan's death, John has been able to meet with the boy and girl who caused Ryan so much pain and find some closure in their remorse and understanding of what had been done. John stressed that the people bullying are just kids and don't comprehend the pain they are causing and possible consequences of their actions and words.
Chase's Story:
13 year-old Chase says he can't take it anymore, and his mother Jackie worried about his safety. Name-calling, threats and physical abuse has caused Jackie to visit the school once a week to figure out how to help her son, but nothing seems to be working. Chase stated on the show that he doesn't see the benefit of taking his life as it wouldn't solve anything.
Chase worked with Dr. Susan Lipkins, a psychologist whose focus is on bullying. Explaining how he's been picked on since first grade, Chase told Dr. Lipkins how over the years the taunting became worse and at times he blamed himself.
Chase shared with Dr. Lipkins that mainly one boy was making his life miserable, and the doctor explained how bullies know how to chose their victims and push their buttons. Dr. Lipkins help Chase to learn that it's important to know when and where to speak up for yourself, and the body language that speaks for you. Many bullies will stop when their victim simply says no to the abuse.
On the show, Dr. Lipkins expressed that bullied children should not just ignore the negative treatment, but be taught how to stand up for themselves and find their voice. Ryan's father also spoke up via Skype to say how important it is for the students who are watching this treatment to also stand up and defend those who struggle to defend themselves.
