Original Air Date:
Friday, April 3, 2009
Dr. Marta Meana on Desire:
The inspiration to do a show on what women want and the science of sex appeal came from 2 sources: a New York Times Magazine article on "What Do Women Really Want?" and the show Science of Sex Appeal on the Discovery Channel. Oprah welcomed Dr. Marta Meana, the author of the NYTM article to share more on her idea that "being desired is the orgasm."
Women in all types of relationships were interviewed to get their take on desire and shared thoughts of: enjoying the chase, domination, wanting to be wanted, and seeing a take charge guy as sexy.
Dr. Meana explained her article on desire as it "just doesn't mean a man wants to have sex, but wants to have sex with you." Women invest time, energy and money into "desire creating behaviors" according to Dr. Meana. The fantasy of desire is that a man will be so taken by the woman that he is overcome by wanting her - he will take a chance that she wants him too. This act only works if the woman is attracted to the man. "I was so wanted by someone I wanted" is how Dr. Meana describes desire. The act of desire doesn't include any violence or coercion and shouldn't be confused with abuse.
Dr. Meana and Oprah exchanged in conversation the complication of what women want from sex and the reality of their lives getting in the way. Bad sex and no sex can happen to good couples according to Dr. Meana and the relationship isn't always to blame. Dr. Meana explained that passion is about novelty, discovery, desire and mystery and that routine and even too much closeness in a relationship can make it seem like you already know everything about the other person. The availability of sex can turn it into a chore or obligation, instead of an intense intimate connection.
Attraction and the Science of Sex Appeal:
A study was shown that studied male androsterone and female copulins, or subconscious scents that are given off by men and women to attract the other sex. The science was described as women putting off a scent during ovulation that men are drawn to and men put off a scent that only women who are ovulating are drawn to.
Dr. Berman explained that the scents are related to reproduction and survival of the species and are unconscious. Dr. Berman suggested women spell a man when he is relatively clean and not wearing cologne to get a good idea of chemical attraction.
A study was done testing this type of scent pattern in women which had them smell men's tshirts and mark who they were drawn to by scent alone. MHC is a combination of 100 genes that mark a person's immune system and in the test it was shown that women were attracted to men with different MHCs than they had chemically to further the species by strengthening the immune system of possible offspring. Being on the pill confused this test and found women choosing men with similar MHC. Men were also tested and found to be more attracted to a woman when she is ovulating because of her body and face changes.
Pitch of Voice and the Science of Sex Appeal:
A study on the pitch of women's voices was also revealed and showed that men are attracted to higher pitched voices in women, which occur when they are ovulating. The test had 10 men rate what they thought was 10 women's voices, but was actually 4 women at different times in their menstrual cycle. The women's voices were highest when they were most fertile.
Face Measurements and the Science of Sex Appeal:
The measurements of a the face were shown in an additional experiment that tested men's and women's attraction to facial features. The same face was shown after manipulations and revealed that men are attracted to more feminine feature on women and women are attracted to a more masculine appearing man.
Oprah welcomed Dr. Kendra Schmid to share her work on finding a formula that rates the perfect face. Dr. Schmid uses a 29 point system that measures symmetry, proportion, and ratio to calculate a number from 1-10. Most people fall between 4-6 while some celebrities tested rated higher.
Dr. Schmid shared some of her scores: Angelina Jolie (7.67), Halle Berry (7.36), Hugh Jackman (6.45), and her highest score ever, Brad Pitt (9.3). A perfect 10 face has never been found in the study.
The Mating Game:
A mating game was shown from the Science of Sex Appeal that showed 10 men and 10 women who were dressed in identical outfits and were given the task of finding a mate with the highest number. The participants were assigned numbers that they were not aware of, but were able to see the numbers of the opposite sex. The process showed how after getting feedback, people will lower their expectations.
The second part of the study had the participants remove their numbers and choose a partner based on attraction. The results of that segment produced pairs that were within 1 point of their own attraction.
Dr. Berman explained that it is a natural part of the mating process to scan available partners to see who is "in my league." This can cause people to narrow the dating pool, but it is due to a lifetime of feedback to gauge your own personal number of attraction. Oprah shared that beautiful people don't have to try as hard because of the pass for being attractive.
Dr. Berman shared that the feedback we get from our parents and society make us have different values for our own attractiveness. Dr. Berman was told she was smart and good at school, while her sister was told that she was beautiful. Dr. Berman's sister grew to value herself for her beauty, but since beauty fades, it is more difficult then to find ways of valuing oneself.
Money and Attraction:
A study was shown that explained that beautiful women will sometimes lower their "league number" in a man in exchange for other resources such as social status or income. Women are both turned on by looks and by wealth and money can change how a woman sees the attraction of a man. A man can appear more or less attractive by how much income he makes. Dr. Berman shared that this doesn't make all women gold diggers, but was a natural part of evolution to guarantee the man could provide for the offspring.
This part of evolution is changing, as Oprah and Dr. Berman discussed, because women are now able to provide for their own offspring, and a man's wealth will not always change a woman's attraction for him. The need for marriage and mating is changing.
Kissing in a Relationship:
The kiss was revealed to be an important key to the start of a relationship. A kiss allows a pair to experience another person with all 5 of their senses and get a feel for the person's intentions, compatibility and connection. Men have testosterone in their saliva that stimulates a woman's sex drive and both parties are given doses of dopamine in the body that produces a feeling of euphoria and keen attention. While kissing is important to the chemistry of a couple, it can also end a relationship on the first try.
Dr. Berman shared that kissing can be a big sign of happiness in a relationship. Couples that kiss and cuddle regularly are 8 times less likely to be stressed or depressed, shared Dr. Berman. A daily peck does not count as an actual kiss. Couples need to share a minimum of a 10 second kiss every day or it's like going through the motions or giving a pat on the back. Not many couples get this kind of connection, but need it and should bring the focus back to the kiss that started the relationship off on the right foot.
