Original Air Date:
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wendie and Tony Head to New York City:
Oprah's Senior Associate Producer, Leslie, has been working with Wendie and Tony for the last 3 months. Viewers first met Wendie when she appeared as part of the Dr. Oz show to help people quit smoking on January 13, 2008. Wendie returned to the show on January 31 to update her progress and it was from that show that Dr. Oz was driven to do a house call that aired on February 14. Not satisfied with the progress, Oprah called Wendie and Tony to invite them to NYC to meet with therapist Dr. Harville Hendrix with the help of Leslie the producer to coordinate.
Wendie's NYC Medical Checkup:
Upon arriving in NYC, Wendie first met with Dr. Oz to have a follow-up lung scan to the first she had in January prior to quitting smoking. On Wendie's first lung scan, she had a shadow that Dr. Oz and his colleague wanted to check up on. Dr. Oz warned Wendie that there was a chance that the shadow was lung cancer and that she should be prepared for bad news. Tony was thrilled to hear first that the scan was clear and that the shadow must have been pneumonia. When the team told Wendie, she appeared vacant and numb to the news, almost like she wasn't there.
Wendie and Tony Begin Therapy with Dr. Hendrix:
Leslie, the Senior Associate Producer met Wendie and Tony at their hotel in NYC to coordinate their therapy session with Dr. Hendrix. Leslie was concerned at how the couple would take 9 hours of therapy and asked them what they were thinking prior to the session. They responded that there were things that they didn't know about each other, but that the biggest fear for Wendie was the fear of separating.
Dr. Hendrix commented that Wendie and Tony seemed tense to meet him and he felt that they were disconnected, but looked forward to getting started. Dr. Hendrix introduced the couple to Imago Therapy which explains that problems in a relationship are connected to issues in the past/childhood. In Imago Therapy there are 3 steps: mirroring, validating and empathizing. Dr. Hendrix explained on the show that intimate relationships heal the injuries that have happened in past/childhood. Marriage, Dr. Hendrix stated, is not about romantic love, but about healing and wholeness.
Dr. Hendrix started out Wendie and Tony's therapy by asking them what their perfect marriage looked like. Part of the process of the therapy is to repeat back what you heard the other person say, ask them "Am I getting you?" to see if you heard them correctly, and then ask "Is there more about that?" to see if they have more to say.
Back on the show and commenting on how the therapy was going, Dr. Oz stated that Wendie and Tony's efforts were great for others to see because their story is so much like what other people experience with similar or different symptoms than smoking.
Wendie and Tony Hit a Wall with Dr. Hendrix:
Back in therapy, Leslie the producer pointed out that Wendie and Tony seemed to be going through the motions and not really fully participating. Leslie saw the couple whispering in the corner and wondered what they were hiding. While talking with Dr. Hendrix, Wendie mentioned being afraid of "numbing" herself and "dying" which Leslie noticed and wondered what they meant. Dr. Hendrix didn't press the issue knowing that Wendie would be defensive, but Leslie asked about the words after the session was over and Wendie said that she was trying to avoid the topic and didn't want to go there.
Wendie Makes a Confession:
Back at home, Wendie decided to make a video confession of what she shared with Leslie back in New York. Wendie admitted that she was numbing herself with pain medication and had been for a long time. Wendie hadn't been able to share what she was doing and it was hard for her to admit it to everyone.
Back on the show and seeing the confession, Wendie admitted to being addicted to OxyCotin since Bailie, their daughter, was born. Wendie had even taken the medication from Tony who needed it for an accident he was in. Dr. Oz apologized for not seeing the signs that Wendie's body showed.
Wendie and Tony Return to Therapy:
Wendie and Tony returned to NYC for more therapy with Dr. Hendrix and made breakthroughs, but off camera. Dr. Hendrix asked the couple what needed to change in their relationship, and Wendie started by saying that Tony needed to be honest with her, but she couldn't share what about because revealing it would be betraying Tony. Tony refused to talk about the secret on camera, but worked with Dr. Hendrix after the crew left the room. Tony later shared that talking with Dr. Hendrix helped him to deal with his secret.
Wendie and Tony's Example for Others:
On the show, Dr. Hendrix explained that working on a relationship needs to lead to a couple experiencing vulnerability and security so that they can replace negativity with curiosity, listening and compassion. Oprah shared that Wendie and Tony's example is an inspiration for everybody, because everyone has something that they need to deal with or address. Wendie and Tony serve as an inspiration to be honest and get the relationship and love you want, which is the title of Dr. Hendrix's book.
Dr. Harville Hendrix - Get the Love You Want
Dr. Mehmet Oz - You: The Owner's Manual