Original Air Date:
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Dr. Oz's House Call:
After the January 22, 2008 show on quitting smoking, Dr. Oz had a feeling that something wasn't right after hearing from Wendie and her 5 year old daughter Wendie. Dr. Oz flew to California a few days after the taping to check in on Wendie and her husband Tony who was still smoking in the home. When Dr. Oz arrived he realized that the situation was more of a crisis - not only was Tony smoking, but so was his mother that was staying with them, making it near impossible each day for Wendie not to start again. The couple have both dealt with addictions in the past, they even met in AA, but they need help to do this.
Tony and Wendie's Struggle:
The tension in Tony and Wendie's home is at an all time high - Wendie has even thought of just running away and leaving, which is not the answer.
Dr. Oz talked to Tony and learned more about his history - Tony didn't have friends outside from his wife, his father died when he was just 1 month old and he had a previous alcohol addiction. Tony's biggest fear was losing his wife and daughter. The couple needed help to treat the problem, since smoking was just a symptom of deeper issues in the family that needed to be addressed.
Tony and Wendie's Real Issue:
Tony and Wendie are both dealing with insecurities and the fight or flight reflex, both fearing different things: Tony fearing abandonment and Wendie fearing her urge to run. In the interview it was explained that smoking was a way to get the discomfort to go away instead of dealing with the emotion and problem, something that needed to change.
Wendie and Tony were forced to communicate in a way that they weren't used to; Wendie set rules for smoking and smoking related things in and near the house - and after it all, Tony even decided to quit!
How Tony and Wendie Can Help:
Dr. Oz invited his friend and life coach Martha Beck to join him and help Tony and Wendie deal with the emotional side of their addiction. Martha pointed out the couple's fight or flight reflex which was brought on by their trauma as children and had stayed in a permanent state until Martha helped the couple deal with what was really going on. Seeing the couple's urge and fear of leaving, Martha explained that they needed to find some other way to deal than using smoking to calm themselves down.
Changing the Story of Your Life:
Martha began by explaining to Wendie and Tony that they had the control to tell themselves a different life story, but that they had to learn how to do so. Martha asked Wendie to list 3 reasons why her worst fear would probably not come true because most things that people worry about never actually happen. Martha also asked Tony for 3 reasons why he wouldn't lose his family, but had to bring it down to 3 reasons of why he was worth it since Tony struggled with his self-esteem.
Wendie and Tony's Daughter Bailee:
The innocent person in this family crisis is the couple's 5 year old daughter Bailee who explained her feelings about the situation very clearly. Bailee had been experiencing the couple's second hand smoke, listening to them fight, but worse fearing that her mother will leave her. The lack of alert attention for Bailee showed in her fear - a wake-up call for Wendie and Tony who had been teaching Bailee to treat herself the way they treated themselves.
Dr. Oz's Bottom Line:
To end the show, Dr. Oz explained the problem in very simple terms - It's not about the cigarettes, it's about life!
