Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Opening the show, Oprah admitted that even with all the help she receives, there are times when she too feels overwhelmed by daily responsibilities. Thinking of how mothers do it - caring for themselves and their family - Oprah reiterated that it is the most difficult job on earth and is not acknowledged enough. The story that Oprah was ready to introduce, she shared, was for anyone who feels overwhelmed and needs a wake up call to slow down.
Brenda from the outside looked like the perfect mom and employee, enjoying doing for others. As an assistant principal and mother of 2, Brenda led a busy but happy life. On August 23, 2007, things changed. Brenda was getting ready for the first day back at school and was overwhelmed with the pressure of keeping up with her job and her family, something her husband didn't realize at the time. That morning's routine was different, instead of Gary, Brenda's husband, taking their daughters to their child care centers, he had a dentist appointment and Brenda needed to drop off their daughter Cecilia.
That morning, Brenda left and headed to the child care center, but it was too early to drop off 2 year old Cecilia, so Brenda decided to run an errand while the baby slept in the car. After picking up donuts at a bakery for the teachers, Brenda continued on to school and unloaded the car and began her day. It wasn't until 8 hours later when a teacher walked past Brenda's car and saw Cecilia that she told Brenda the baby was left in the car. Brenda ran out to the car as fast and she could but she knew that her daughter was already gone. Cecilia died of heatstroke after being in the car for 8 hours.
Oprah welcomed Brenda to the show to talk about her story for the first time in over a year. Brenda responded to the clip telling her story by saying how she had even talked about how great her kids were in meetings that day, never realizing that Cecilia was in the car.
Oprah played recordings of the 911 calls that were received which Brenda heard for the first time. She shared that for trying to protect her children from the outside world, what she couldn't do was protect her daughter from herself. All it took was a break in routine for Brenda to lose focus and just think of where she needed to be.
Oprah showed footage of Brenda, just 1 hour after her daughter was found in the car, at the police department where she was questioned for 2 hours. It was because of this that Brenda's principal called her husband to meet at the school where he was told that his daughter had died; in shock he never thought to ask how or where. Gary commented on the show that he never blamed Brenda because it was something that he could have done himself, knowing that it was not intentional and an oversight by Brenda that Cecilia paid for. Brenda still wrestles with herself questioning how she could have forgotten her child.
Oprah wanted to have Brenda on the show because she knew so many mothers could relate and needed the wake up call to slow down; Cecilia's life would serve as an angel to parents who needed to stop and be in the moment.
One of the producers who worked on the show, Amy, commented that she had thought of Brenda every day since working on the topic. Amy has 2 kids, 5 and 6, and says that talking to Brenda has changed her life.
Oprah set up an anonymous phone line for mothers to call in and share their stories, and the line was flooded by moms who are overwhelmed, sleep deprived and worn out.
Oprah had 2 mothers via Skype, Tiffany and Anissa, who shared that they could relate with Brenda. Anissa commented how brave Brenda was for going on the show and sharing her story to help other mothers. Anissa shared that it is so easy as a busy mom to either get unfocused or try to focus on too many things at the same time. She asked who made the rule for mothers to be the perfect moms, wives, employees, etc.?
Norman Fisher, a Zen teacher, published an article in the September issue of O Magazine discussing the idea of being overwhelmed and was welcomed to the show via satellite to talk more about the issue.
Norman shared why people feel overwhelmed - with more possibilities in the world, people have more expectations on themselves to be and use everything you have access to. Make it a priority to take care of yourself so that you can be an asset to others. Norman recommended asking yourself every day - How is my state of mind today? Because mind and attitude are the best gifts we can give each other.
Further, Norman expressed that there is no such thing as multi-tasking. The human brain will switch on and off from one thing to the next, but will not do many things at once. Therefore, Norman explained, people should be fully committed to what they are doing, even if it is just for a moment - go ahead and switch back and forth, but for the moment give that one thing your full attention.
More Stories from Viewers:
More stories were shared from other moms in the audience, phone calls and Skype of being in the same overwhelmed, sleep deprived, or differently focused state where tragic accidents were around the corner and avoided. So many mothers have made the choice to do too many things and not focus enough on any one of them leaving room for accidents to happen; many have come close to serious things happening to their children, and others have been in the same situation as Brenda.
What needs to be learned from Brenda's story is not only to slow down, but that women need to stop judging each other so much and start having compassion for one another. Oprah commented that if mothers could network and help each other instead of being in competition, some of the need to be perfect might go away.
