Thursday, October 9, 2008
Mary, an audience member, shared that she had been propositioned by husbands of 2 of her friends but never shared it with them, she wondered if she should have? Randy advised that if it was a one time behavior to let it go, but that if it became persistent behavior, that she had to tell her friend. According to Randy, once is never, twice is always. Faith had differing opinion and shared that if the husband did it to one friend, he likely did it to others and she would want to know if her husband was behaving that way. Oprah pointed out that telling forces confrontation with the married couple.
Pat, also in the audience, shared that she had confronted a friend about cheating on her husband while in a bad marriage. Pat was tired of being involved and expected to cover for her friend, so she told her that if she didn't tell her husband, that she would. Pat's friend ended up confessing to her husband and they worked it out, Pat was happy she handled it that way. Randy shared that the NYT Magazine gets half and half responses of husbands/wives wanting to know or not wanting to know - the decision is really situational.
Michelle appeared on the show via Skype with the concern that her 12 year old son kept getting sexual advances from a 12 year old girl. Michelle's son would have had a kiss with the girl, but someone walked in the room and stopped it. Since that missed kiss, the girl had texted Michelle's son multiple times, even offering oral sex. Michelle wondered if she should call the girl's mother? Randy felt that yes, Michelle should call to protect the children, while Faith felt that a wrong move would keep Michelle's son from trusting her and confiding in her later. Randy stated that it's how you tell, not if you tell.
McAulay from Seattle via Skype wondered how to handle male associates who are inappropriate without losing them as clients? Faith suggested adding humor or sarcasm to the situation to call attention to the action while also rolling with the joke and not completely pointing the person out. Randy was less confident in the joke idea and instead advised to speak directly to the person and comment on their remark and not them as a person.
Kristin in the audience shared how she has multiple times in the past sent an email to a person she was gossiping about in the email. Kristin wondered if there was any way to salvage that relationship afterwards. Randy advised to apologize and mean it, to demonstrate remorse, but to ultimately change behavior or she won't have any friends left. Faith also followed up with Kristin needed to learn to not gossip in email again, to learn the lesson and stop the behavior.
Patti in the audience asked Faith and Randy how to handle the situation when a friend asks what she thinks of her boyfriend and Patti feels he is bad news. Faith commended Patti for waiting until a friend asks what she thinks before giving her opinion, but feels it's sad that Patti has lost friends over being honest. Randy advised that women ask not because they want another opinion, but because they are looking for approval. Oprah commented that if you are a really close friend that you have to tell them. Randy followed up by saying that honesty isn't always the best policy.
Lindsey from taped footage asked how to handle telling someone that there breath smells bad? Faith commented that the universal way is to offer a mint. Randy stated that people who love you will tell you but to do it with tact, with Faith's suggestion of saying your breath isn't that fresh. It's a difficult situation, but if you love the person it's best to tell them, even if it will sting a little bit hearing it.
Clips showed Amy and Sarah on the footage asking related questions of how to tell a friend when they're wearing too much makeup, perfume or revealing clothing? Faith shared that perfume is one issue because it goes into other people's personal space and is ok to nicely tell a friend, but that makeup and clothing is not offensive enough to others to say anything. Choosing clothing and makeup is a sense of personal style and should only be commented on if the friend asks for an opinion.
